Time Out

Originally I wanted to begin this blog as a means to document my weight loss journey, but along the way I realized that although my physical health is extremely important to me, so is my mental health. I feel as though I haven't been taking care of my truest self first, and that is important too.

I will continue my weight loss journey, but this blog will not be solely dedicated to only that. That is only a portion of my life.

I have struggled my entire life trying to find purpose. I always knew in my heart that I was bound for greatness, but I have yet to harness all the eminent possibilities that are laying dormant in my big heart. 

Once I find the right door to unlock, the opportunities are endless. It is time to honor my calling.

I will start by doing at least one nice thing for someone each day.

So, I'll raise my glass and say cheers to all the dreamers, believers, achievers, and positive thinkers. Something good is going to happen for you. I feel it in my bones.

Stuff Muffin

  Have you ever tried on an old bathing suit post batwings and melon belly and you realize what torment a sausage must go through while being stuffed in a casing? No? Maybe it's just me then, but that's how I felt when I put on one of my pre-baby suits. THE HORROR, THE AGONY, THE STUFF HANGING OVER STUFF HANGING OVER STUFF, stuff! 

  Now, I've always had pretty good self confidence because I don't believe a good body automatically shoots you up to the top rungs of society, but I am not comfortable in my skin these days. Excuse me as I sigh heavily while pinching my lonjas (love handles). This ain't no bakery! Don't nobody wanna see this muffin top!

  The good thing about someone's physical characteristics is that they can be altered. I've chosen to do this the hard way because nothing good every comes easy, also because I'm a poor bitch so, a nip, tuck, and lift is not a feasible option. I haven't even invested in a respectable pair of Spanx. Those are just lies on lies. I want to tighten and tone, not stuff and hide. 

  I've added a Jillian DVD to my workout repertoire, I luh that woman! I'll keep you updated with my progress (okay mom? okay husband?) and maybe someday soon I can comfortably slide into and out of an old pair of jeans without the jaws of life! Here's to working this ass off! 💪

Shame Shame's Mah Middle Name

I am sorry I have failed you my faithful and loyal readers (HIII MOM! HI HUSBAND!!)! I definitely did not take time off from working out, well a week perhaps, but just like all self-fulfilling prophecies, I did in fact get sick otra vez!

This time I got put on a really strong ass antibiotic and it suuuuuuuuuccccccccccckkkkkkkkkked. I am, however, ready to get back at it.  Like all good things, the show must go on. 

I hadn't really noticed a big difference physically, I lost 2 lbs. but I try not to weigh myself often because scales are stupid and counter productive. Honestly, if you have one, throw it out. 

The only time I get weighed is when I'm at the doctor. I try to base my progress on how I feel and how my clothes fit me, not a number.

My biggest struggle right now is sticking to a healthy eating plan, so please send positive juju to me and help me dig deep to stay away from all things delicious and detrimental to my healthiest self. 

One of my brohams came over and asked if I had been running. I answered, yes, and he said that I looked a lot better, he could tell that I've lost some weight. I was allll "whatevs", but then proceeded to pull out my 10 lb. weights to show him how awesome I am at bicep curls. I'm a show off, you know. 

And here I'll leave you with this tid bit of inspiration. Don't talk about it, Be about it!

Nutella is good for progress right?

Sorry to leave you in suspense with my absence! I was busy being a lazy bones, eating spoonfuls of Nutella from the container, and hibernating for a week. Yes. I actually did that. That's typically what happens when your uterus hates you, and mine does. 

My PIC (partner in crime), Anissa, graced me with her presence and we ran 1.5 miles and did a burpee/squat work out that would make a grown man cry. Actually, it was intense for us because we are out of shape so it would have made your grandma cry. I'll take it! Sorry granny!

I am still not seeing a big change, not unless I put a side by side picture up. Changing my eating habits has helped in making me feel less sluggish, unless I'm having a period party and love affair with Nutella. I don't have a gym membership, I don't have a personal chef, I don't have a personal trainer, I'm not doing crossfit. I am doing this on my own. For me. 

I will post more befores and afters so that all yous 3 readers feel less defeated and more uplifted. Slow progress is still progress! 

Shout out to my not so baby cousin who is currently at basic and then moving on to school in the field of Explosive Ordnance Disposal. Land of the free because of the brave! 'MERICA!

All bums were not created equally

Pre-baby I had the roundest, firmest, most amazing bubble donk that you could possibly imagine. (enter angels singing their hymn) Is that sac-relig? Probably. Sorry Jesus.

Anyway, Post-baby, it looks more like a double wide. I mean, yuck. It's amazing how gravity has taken hold of my body. Stupid gravity.

I love looking at before and after photos of bums. It sounds perverted, but I swear I'm not a creep, not all the time anyway. I always find it kind of humorous when girls post butt shots and they are standing normal in the before, and after their back is arched and they are pushing their butts out. Gotta love #TransformationTuesdays.  I love seeing body transformations of other people because it gives me hope. So my body may not be in it's best shape, BUT, as long as I put in the hard work and I am dedicated to my regimen, I'll be able to rock a 2 piece with the best of them. It's too bad Aunt Flow came to visit because I totes binged on Whataburger last night, sorry I'm not sorry.

My husband loves when this time of the month comes around, just ask him! RIGHT, BABE?! RIGHTTTTT????!?

Fighting the fatigue, the cramps, mood swings, all the while being murdered from the inside always puts a damper on my work outs. All I want to do around this time is hibernate.

Tonight I am going to turn on Harry Potter and twerk, honey, twerk!

Belly button is sad

I look forward to the day when my belly button no longer looks like a sad face. It was a frown face before so I'll take that as a small victory.

Honestly, I have come a long way. 200 lbs is a lot of weight to bear on someone that's fun-size.

I make jokes about my fat. I'm not sure why. I don't think it's the level of insecurity that does it. I just poke fun at myself. I feel like humor has always been one of my saving graces in life. I like to laugh. I like to make other people laugh. What's the point of starting this journey if I have to be so dark and dread? This fat girl likes to laugh and make fun of herself.

I didn't realize how much weight I have lost until I looked at a side by side. Yowza!




After (black hole belly button)         Before (frowny belly button)

Seriously. I hate that stupid belly button! I ADORE that little munchkin that's by my side. He's always by my side. I'm enjoying these moments as long as I can. Eventually he'll be shutting me out and I'll be the embarrassing mom that can't keep up with the lingo. GOD! I SAID LINGO! That's some *vieja shit right there!

But in all serious-ness. I look at this photo and even though you, my 3 readers, may not see a change, I can.

I don't just see a change in myself physically but emotionally, spiritually. I am just much happier now that I'm doing something about my lethargic slothy behavior. That's what really matters.

#Winning!

*vieja means old lady

I'm twerkin' in the rain, Just twerkin' in the rain

Let me just preface this by saying that I didn't actually twerk in the rain.
That would just be tasteless and tacky. One has to master the twerk before applying it to ones daily routine!

Today it rained, very hard. It was actually really nice. I've always wanted a romantic kind of kiss in the rain, like in the movies. I told my husband this and the next time it rained, he pulled me close and kissed me like he's never kissed me before. What I mean by that is, it was the most awkward not romantic thing we have ever done. It was so cold that my nipples could have cut glass, first off, and I'm pretty sure that we were getting pelted by hail balls. I can scratch that off of my bucket list.

I digress, I did sprints today in the rain. It was amazing and exhilarating. The resistance of the wind and the weight of my soaked clothes was good for my legs. They burned. Bad. I feel terrible for anyone that was creepin' on me though because my body parts were all wiggly jiggly. I guess they were having a party. One. Big. Jiggle. Party. That is one of the things that makes me most uncomfortable truthfully, but hey, I'm working it out so that I can rock pretty much anything, and also so that I'll be able to run from zombies effectively.


After my sprints, I did the workouts below. Yowzers..talk about BURN, suckas!

Who says that you need a gym to get fit? I always switch up my workouts so that I can challenge my body on a regular basis because I don't want it to get used to the same ol' routine, burning fewer and fewer calories. Get it done!

Also, please enjoy this photo of me after my rainy day sprints. A small purple bird with no eyeballs landed on my shoulders after he dropped a fat free cupcake in my arms! Freakin sweet!

Why my health is important to me

My reasons for starting this are very simple. I need to start holding myself accountable, and I have not been for years. YEARS. Writing that out made my heart fall into my stomach. I know there is a healthy fit girl in here, she's just trapped underneath all of this flab. She's been screaming for a long time now, but I've been ignoring her. I have been drowning her out for such a long time.Why? I'm not entirely too sure, but I do know this, if I continued on the road that I had been on I would have had many more problems, BIGGER (pun intended) problems.

Health is important, especially when you have a family relying on you to be there for them. I keep thinking to myself, what if I had just let myself go completely? What if I just kept eating myself into oblivion, ignoring the tightness around my waist when I'm wearing jeans, ignoring how much larger my clothing got, ignoring that there was no separation between my neck and my chin. What about my very active kids? Who was going to play with them outside? Who was going to carry them upstairs to their bed when they fell asleep in my arms?

I have been angry with myself for not making my health and over all well being a priority. I suppose that doesn't help, but it definitely lit a fire under my bum to do something about it.

Sure, I have slip ups. I sometimes eat something that I know I shouldn't. I sometimes (much like yesterday) park my big butt on the couch and veg out, but it's not very often. The next day, I jump right back into it. The only person that has control of you is YOU. YES YOU! Imagine that! Having a strong support system and someone to motivate you helps as well, but ultimately, you are the one putting in the work to change your body. Nobody else but you.

I have started off slow, and I realize there is no defeat in that. Working towards a greater goal is what I am doing here. Life isn't about how fast you run or how high you climb, It's all about how good you bounce. Keep rolling with the punches. Keep putting your best self forth.

Life will always knock you down, but it's your choice to get back up.

No, Girl, Wash Ya Jeans!

As much as I didn't want to, today, I ran 2.2 miles. This was no small feat for me, considering that my shins were being really big lady bastards today.

I mean really, on a pain scale of 1 to 10, they were at a 50. I'm telling you, if it's not one thing it's another.  I had planned on riding my bicycle after my run, but I'll tell you what, this Texas heat is NO JOKE! Also, see above.. the shin splints nearly made me keel over.

My husband is a really great support system. I am very hard on myself, but he brings me back to reality when I need it, and that's often, don't tell him I said that he'll never let me live it down.

Since I have been a rockin-and-a-rollin, I can't physically see a change in my body, and that really bothers me. I have a problem with unrealistic expectations. For instance, I was wearing a pair of jeans that I LOVE, but normally they fold over under my gut (no bueno). I wore them today, and they kept falling down. At first, I was super excited. I had convinced myself that it was because I had lost so much weight that my jeans were not fitting properly, but by the end of the day I remembered that I hadn't washed my jeans in like days and days...sooooo... (yeah it's gross but I know some of you do the same thing too) they were loose fitting because they needed a good run in the washer and dryer.

I look forward to the day when I'll be able to fit in my pre-pregnancy jeans, with ease too. I have been battling myself and my weight for far too long to let this continue to happen. I look in the mirror and I don't even recognize the woman that I've become. I don't like it. I don't like her one bit.

This is a day to day kind of process. I am my own worst enemy, but I am determined to beat my inner asshole. I have come too far in life to allow a little bit a lot of fat take over my life and control the inside me.

I keep telling myself.. one day at a time. One. Day. At. A. Time. And that's what really keeps me going.

You Never Go Full On Hamhock

My journey to become fit did not begin as a child. I have never struggled with my weight, I was never at risk of being obese. When I was a kid, we were too po' to have the Internet y'all, hell, we didn't even have a house phone. The only thing I had to play with was my imagination and a yard..and a toad that lived in a hole in the cement of our walkway.

I ran everywhere, all the time. I chased boys, I chased my brothers, my friends. I was so fast, that kind of speed was bound for greatness, I just knew it (I was totally wrong by the way). It was challenging though, because I have asthma, and at that time it was totally uncontrollable.

I played sports in middle school as well as high school, which kept me in fantastic shape as well as enabling me to eat whatever my fat girl heart desired.

Fast forward to October 2008, when I met my husband. It was definitely a whirlwind romance and before I knew it we were married and had a child. I don't know about you, but being pregnant sucked. I was sick all the time, I couldn't hold anything down, because my sense of smell had heightened significantly--everything smelled rancid, I had excruciating migraines, I came down with the flu as well as bronchitis, all while I was pregnant. I slept so much and was so drained of energy that I never worked out. I walked sometimes, from the kitchen back to the bedroom. I ate like a mo'fo' and thought heeeeeyyy, no big deal, I'm a natural athlete, I'll lose it after baby is born.

I gained 35 lbs. during my pregnancy, which was average. I had all of these false preconceived notions that post baby I would just drop all of the weight after breastfeeding. I was not one of the lucky ones. I continued not taking care of myself after my son was born, so I gained back all 35 lbs.
And then some.

I'm only 5'2", and pre-baby I was 140 lbs. of solid muscle (I'm saying this in my Randy Savage WWE voice) that is only 5 more pounds than I was in high school. So, I had a good long 7 year run of being a petite and fit woman. I'm not sure if I ran to food in the past when I couldn't control my emotions, but now I started binge eating on anything sweet, fried, and all around unhealthy.

It wasn't until I was pushing almost 200 lbs. that I woke up and realized that I needed to make some big changes and fast. I can't tell you how many times I heard "you wear the weight well, I can't tell."

That. Is. A. Lie. And plus, what the hell? I want to be in shape, healthy, and lean. The only thing I want to wear well was a bikini, and a smile when I'm naked!

I started running again, only to run into excruciating shin splints. I thought, if this is as bad as it's going to get, I'll push through it. WRONG. I kept running jogging  walking quickly, let's just be real, but I slowly started to realize that I was feeling much better. I wasn't as tired or winded, each time I walked, I could get a little bit further.

I was on a roll for a good while, but I really couldn't tolerate the pain of my shin splints anymore and I couldn't even walk to the bathroom in the mornings, or just plain walk around because my feet were also giving me problems. This constant stinging throb. I finally went to the doctor and discovered that I had plantar fascitis. I had to wear a boot for months and then began physical therapy.

Each time I get into the groove of a good routine I get sick. REALLY sick. My immune system is so weak it can't fight off a common cold, and it takes MONTHS, yes MONTHS to get better. 10 steps forward 100 backslides, but the moment I get better, I start up again.

This is going to be challenging, I know, but it took 4 years to put this weight on, it will most definitely take some time to get it off. I am now 175, that's 25 lbs. down, and I've still got quite the road to go, but this is my story. I write it. I live it. I will succeed.