Why my health is important to me

My reasons for starting this are very simple. I need to start holding myself accountable, and I have not been for years. YEARS. Writing that out made my heart fall into my stomach. I know there is a healthy fit girl in here, she's just trapped underneath all of this flab. She's been screaming for a long time now, but I've been ignoring her. I have been drowning her out for such a long time.Why? I'm not entirely too sure, but I do know this, if I continued on the road that I had been on I would have had many more problems, BIGGER (pun intended) problems.

Health is important, especially when you have a family relying on you to be there for them. I keep thinking to myself, what if I had just let myself go completely? What if I just kept eating myself into oblivion, ignoring the tightness around my waist when I'm wearing jeans, ignoring how much larger my clothing got, ignoring that there was no separation between my neck and my chin. What about my very active kids? Who was going to play with them outside? Who was going to carry them upstairs to their bed when they fell asleep in my arms?

I have been angry with myself for not making my health and over all well being a priority. I suppose that doesn't help, but it definitely lit a fire under my bum to do something about it.

Sure, I have slip ups. I sometimes eat something that I know I shouldn't. I sometimes (much like yesterday) park my big butt on the couch and veg out, but it's not very often. The next day, I jump right back into it. The only person that has control of you is YOU. YES YOU! Imagine that! Having a strong support system and someone to motivate you helps as well, but ultimately, you are the one putting in the work to change your body. Nobody else but you.

I have started off slow, and I realize there is no defeat in that. Working towards a greater goal is what I am doing here. Life isn't about how fast you run or how high you climb, It's all about how good you bounce. Keep rolling with the punches. Keep putting your best self forth.

Life will always knock you down, but it's your choice to get back up.

No, Girl, Wash Ya Jeans!

As much as I didn't want to, today, I ran 2.2 miles. This was no small feat for me, considering that my shins were being really big lady bastards today.

I mean really, on a pain scale of 1 to 10, they were at a 50. I'm telling you, if it's not one thing it's another.  I had planned on riding my bicycle after my run, but I'll tell you what, this Texas heat is NO JOKE! Also, see above.. the shin splints nearly made me keel over.

My husband is a really great support system. I am very hard on myself, but he brings me back to reality when I need it, and that's often, don't tell him I said that he'll never let me live it down.

Since I have been a rockin-and-a-rollin, I can't physically see a change in my body, and that really bothers me. I have a problem with unrealistic expectations. For instance, I was wearing a pair of jeans that I LOVE, but normally they fold over under my gut (no bueno). I wore them today, and they kept falling down. At first, I was super excited. I had convinced myself that it was because I had lost so much weight that my jeans were not fitting properly, but by the end of the day I remembered that I hadn't washed my jeans in like days and days...sooooo... (yeah it's gross but I know some of you do the same thing too) they were loose fitting because they needed a good run in the washer and dryer.

I look forward to the day when I'll be able to fit in my pre-pregnancy jeans, with ease too. I have been battling myself and my weight for far too long to let this continue to happen. I look in the mirror and I don't even recognize the woman that I've become. I don't like it. I don't like her one bit.

This is a day to day kind of process. I am my own worst enemy, but I am determined to beat my inner asshole. I have come too far in life to allow a little bit a lot of fat take over my life and control the inside me.

I keep telling myself.. one day at a time. One. Day. At. A. Time. And that's what really keeps me going.

You Never Go Full On Hamhock

My journey to become fit did not begin as a child. I have never struggled with my weight, I was never at risk of being obese. When I was a kid, we were too po' to have the Internet y'all, hell, we didn't even have a house phone. The only thing I had to play with was my imagination and a yard..and a toad that lived in a hole in the cement of our walkway.

I ran everywhere, all the time. I chased boys, I chased my brothers, my friends. I was so fast, that kind of speed was bound for greatness, I just knew it (I was totally wrong by the way). It was challenging though, because I have asthma, and at that time it was totally uncontrollable.

I played sports in middle school as well as high school, which kept me in fantastic shape as well as enabling me to eat whatever my fat girl heart desired.

Fast forward to October 2008, when I met my husband. It was definitely a whirlwind romance and before I knew it we were married and had a child. I don't know about you, but being pregnant sucked. I was sick all the time, I couldn't hold anything down, because my sense of smell had heightened significantly--everything smelled rancid, I had excruciating migraines, I came down with the flu as well as bronchitis, all while I was pregnant. I slept so much and was so drained of energy that I never worked out. I walked sometimes, from the kitchen back to the bedroom. I ate like a mo'fo' and thought heeeeeyyy, no big deal, I'm a natural athlete, I'll lose it after baby is born.

I gained 35 lbs. during my pregnancy, which was average. I had all of these false preconceived notions that post baby I would just drop all of the weight after breastfeeding. I was not one of the lucky ones. I continued not taking care of myself after my son was born, so I gained back all 35 lbs.
And then some.

I'm only 5'2", and pre-baby I was 140 lbs. of solid muscle (I'm saying this in my Randy Savage WWE voice) that is only 5 more pounds than I was in high school. So, I had a good long 7 year run of being a petite and fit woman. I'm not sure if I ran to food in the past when I couldn't control my emotions, but now I started binge eating on anything sweet, fried, and all around unhealthy.

It wasn't until I was pushing almost 200 lbs. that I woke up and realized that I needed to make some big changes and fast. I can't tell you how many times I heard "you wear the weight well, I can't tell."

That. Is. A. Lie. And plus, what the hell? I want to be in shape, healthy, and lean. The only thing I want to wear well was a bikini, and a smile when I'm naked!

I started running again, only to run into excruciating shin splints. I thought, if this is as bad as it's going to get, I'll push through it. WRONG. I kept running jogging  walking quickly, let's just be real, but I slowly started to realize that I was feeling much better. I wasn't as tired or winded, each time I walked, I could get a little bit further.

I was on a roll for a good while, but I really couldn't tolerate the pain of my shin splints anymore and I couldn't even walk to the bathroom in the mornings, or just plain walk around because my feet were also giving me problems. This constant stinging throb. I finally went to the doctor and discovered that I had plantar fascitis. I had to wear a boot for months and then began physical therapy.

Each time I get into the groove of a good routine I get sick. REALLY sick. My immune system is so weak it can't fight off a common cold, and it takes MONTHS, yes MONTHS to get better. 10 steps forward 100 backslides, but the moment I get better, I start up again.

This is going to be challenging, I know, but it took 4 years to put this weight on, it will most definitely take some time to get it off. I am now 175, that's 25 lbs. down, and I've still got quite the road to go, but this is my story. I write it. I live it. I will succeed.